Jake & Ellie

I ran directly into his arms and let myself surrender with his aroma. I didn’t think that missing another person could hurt so much. I felt him careful pull me away from him, and I looked up at him. His eyes were filled with worries. “What is wrong?” I asked. He took a deep breath and locked eyes with me. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much, Elvira” he said and took my hands in his. I just stood there with a blank face, until his words sank in. I yanked my hands away. “You can’t do this. You promised to be there for me” I started with tears in my eyes. “You promised!” I yelled, while I pointed my finger at him. “I know, Ellie” he started, but I cut him off. “Only my friends call me that” I snarled at him. His eyes dropped, knowing he was defeated. He had hurt me, and now I did the same. “Elvira, please don’t make it worse. You did know that it couldn’t be any more different. I told you from the start, that it wouldn’t work. That is was a short term decision” he told me, but I had heard it all before. “Get out” I just said. “Elvira, listen to me” he said and took a step closer to me. “Get out!” I said again. He raised his hand, as if he wanted to touch me. I took a step back, while I shot angry eyes at him. “El…” “Get out! Get out! Get out!” I screamed at him. I pointed at the door, not caring to look at him. I heard him turn around and walk to the door. I could hear on his footsteps that he waited for a reaction, but in the next few seconds he was out and the door closed behind him. As soon as the door was shut I broke down. I dropped down on the floor and hid my face in my hands, while the tears ran down my cheeks. I managed to duck down in my pocket after my phone, and sent one text with the word “Help”, before I crumbled together in a ball on the floor.

A half hour later I heard keys rustling and the door were flung open by the one, I had sent my text to. Jake took one look at me, slammed the door and ran to me, almost sliding on his knees to scoop me up from the floor and into his arms. “It’s alright, Ellie, I’m here now” he said, before I once again broke down with tears. He didn’t say more, just stroked my hair, while he rocked me back and forth. After a while he said “It’s Trey, right?” All I could do was to nod and sob at the same time. “I’m sorry, Ellie” he said, while he kissed me on the forehead and held me closer. I didn’t know how long we had sat on the floor, before I felt myself drift off to sleep. I could feel Jake shift around, before he lifted me up from the floor and into my bedroom. He turned the light off and laid down beside me, and I just crumbled against his chest, not letting go of his shirt. “I’m not going anywhere, Ellie. Don’t worry, I’m here when you wake up” he just said and hold me tight like he did before.
I woke up hours later and didn’t have a clue about what time it was or exactly where I was. Then I noticed that Jake’s arm was around me and our legs were tangled together. Jake must have felt my stirring around, because suddenly he tightened the grip around me and mumbled “Stay”. I smiled at him and put my head on the pillow again. “Okay, sleepyhead” was my answer to him. We laid so close, that I could feel his smile against my neck. “Shut up and sleep. It’s 2 in the morning” and I gladly took his request.

I was awakening by noises from my kitchen. I turned around and noticed that the bed was empty, so obviously it was Jake who was up and about. I rolled out of bed and slumped into the kitchen to find Jake making breakfast. I sat down at the table, and not a moment later Jake had giving me a cup of lemon tea. “Thank you” I said and gave him a weak smile. “There will be toast, eggs and bacon in just a moment” he told me. “I’m not hungry” I just said. “That is not up for discussion” he stated and sat a plate in front of me. I just looked at him, while he took the seat in front of me. “Eat. Now” he said, and watched me until I picked the toast up and took a bite. “Good” he smiled and began eating his own food. “Ass” I mumbled. “Still not deaf, Ellie, and you know that I’m doing this for your own fault” he said dead serious without looking at me. I knew he was right about that I had to eat. As a former anorexic, it was dangerous not to eat. But in my state of mind it was hard to think of anything else. “Ellie” Jake said and I looked up at him. “Don’t do this me” was all he said, and I didn’t need any more words to start eating the rest of my food. “Thank you” he smiled.

After the dishes were done and the kitchen clean I retreated to my bedroom, and was about to flop down on my bed if Jake didn’t had beaten me to it. “Hey! I was about to lay there!” I said and pushed at him. “Nope, because you are about to take a shower” he pushed me back off the bed. “Are you saying that I smell?” I teased and made a frown. “I’m just saying that you slept in your clothes from yesterday, and a bath will do you good. Get your butt moving, so I can take a nap” he laughed. “Gees, thank you very much” I said and grabbed some fresh clothes and went to the bathroom. But Jake was right, because I definitely needed a shower. I got out of my clothes and threw it in the laundry basket, before I turned the water on and stepped in. The hot water felt amazing on my skin and I could feel my body relax, letting go of the tension from yesterday. I just stood there with arms crossed against my chest and let the water run down of my body. And that’s when the memories hit me all of sudden. I could feel his arms around me, just as clear as all the other times we had taken a bath together. But this time he wasn’t there. My body shook when I remembered his fingers that were feeling around on my body and the hot kisses we would share. I sat down, rested my back against the wall and just let the water run, while I cried and didn’t care on getting clean.

I probably sat there for half an hour, before Jake knocked on the floor. “Ellie, are you alright?” he asked. “Yeah” I just answered. “No, you’re not. Please get dressed and let me in”. I stood up from the shower and threw a towel around me. “I’m descent. You can come in” I said, before he slowly opened the door and peeked in. Jake and I had a standing deal that I would never lock the bathroom door, when he was around. He wanted to make sure that he could get to me if something went wrong. “Ellie, will you please tell me what happened yesterday?” he asked me, and I could tell that he was unsure if it was the right time to ask me that. “We broke up” I said with a small voice and my eyes teared up again. Jake took two steps and once again I was in his arms, where he held me tight. I didn’t know what I would do without him. “Get some clothes on. I’ll be waiting in the bedroom” he said and hugged me tight once more, before he let go of me. “Jerk” I said as I hit him at the arm. “You wish” he said, kissed me in the hair and was out of the bathroom. I dried myself with the towel, before I hopped in my sweatpants and a big T-shirt and walked to the bedroom. Jake was already under the duvet and scrolled through his phone. He was only wearing sweatpants, and had thrown his T-shirt on the floor. He looked at me and gave me a smile. “Hey you, come here” he said and turned to lay on his side, and then patted the bed. I couldn’t resist the idea of a nap. I was mentally and physical drained from all the crying. I laid down beside him on my stomach, and he rested a hand on my back to comfort me. His phone said a pling to tell him he got a new message. He looked through it and answered. “Is it Terry?” I asked. Terry was Jake’s best friend and I met him a couple of times. I had a feeling that Terry had a crush on me, but every time I asked Jake about it, he wouldn’t tell me, which just made my suspicion bigger. “Yep, we were supposed to hang out later, so just giving him the notice, that I can’t come” he told me, and I felt guilty right away. I hated when he dropped other appointments for my fault. “You can go later, if you want to. I will be alright” I said. Jake put the phone back on the table beside me and was hovering over me “Ellie, you are not okay, and I’m not going anywhere, just as I told you last night” and looked me in the eyes, before he took me in his arms and hugged me. With his words the memories of last night came back, and for the third time or so, I broke down with the memories of Trey leaving me and Jake finding me crying on the floor.

“He left me” I cried out. “He left me after being away for two weeks” I whispered, and prepared myself for Jake’s reaction. I hadn’t told him that I had been alone the past two weeks after another fight with Trey. Jake held me out from he and even though that my eyes was filled with tears and blurred my vision, I could see the sadness in his eyes. “I really wished you stopped pushing me away, and started trusting me, Ellie. How many times do I have to prove for you, that I’m here? I will never leave you behind, not like that asshole did every fucking time” he scolded. I knew he wasn’t angry at me. It was Trey. There were so many times, that Trey had leaved me after a fight, or told me that I couldn’t see Jake, because he was jealous. “Stop it” I said, because I didn’t want to hear the bad words about Trey. My heart still screamed after him. “For God’s sake, Ellie, you can’t be serious?” I rolled away from him and crawled up in a sitting position. “Yes, I am, Jake. I still love him” I said harsh. “You got to be kidding me!” Jake said with a slight raised voice, which I hated, but he wasn’t my parents and shouldn’t tell me what to feel or not. “I’m dead serious, Jake!” and this time he just rolled eyes at me. I jumped out of the bed, full of anger, both at him and from the break up yesterday.
“What is it that you don’t understand, Jake? I still love him, and that’s just how it is!”
Jake followed my move and stood in front of me. “The thing, that I don’t get, is why you keep going back to him when he is no good for you? He hurts you all the time!”
“Yes, we fight once in a while, but that’s what couples do. Not everything can be perfect, as you wish, Jake!”
“I have never said anything about that a relationship would be perfect. But he fucking hurts you, Ellie, and not just mentally! Don’t you think I have seen the bruises on your body?” I froze when he said that. I really thought that I had hid them so well with long sleeves and high necks.
“How… How did you know?” I asked him, my voice small.
“You can fool everyone else, but not me. You wore long sleeves and scarfs on hot days. And I saw you once you were changing clothes. Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Ellie?”
“You saw me? You saw me changing clothes! How the hell could you?” I yelled at him.
“Ellie, for God’s sake, that’s not important right now. He fucking hit you and you kept this from everyone!”
“He doesn’t do it anymore!”
“Bullshit, he does!” he yelled back. In one step he was right in front of me, pulled my T-shirt up and revealed the bruise I had on my side. He didn’t say anything, but just hold my shirt up, so I could take his words in. I looked at him with tears in my eyes, and I saw his eyes were wet as well.
“I would never hurt you like that” Jake whispered.
“I know” I said and put my arms around his waist, and this time it was my turn to hug him tight. We had been through so much the last six years. He took off to college and I developed anorexia. I didn’t tell him at first. He found out when he got home for Christmas and I wasn’t around, because I was at the Hospital. Since then he came home every time he could and we were always in contact with each other. Two years ago he got his degree and moved home and found a job in the local supermarket. It was also that time I was in my worst state of mind, and I tried to take my life, but Jake found me in time and brought me to the Hospital. It took me a whole year to recover, and that’s when I met Trey, who became my saving out of my misery, beside Jake.
“I love you, Ellie. I hope you know that” Jake said into my hair. “I love you too, Jake” I said back and squeezed him tight. “I’m sick of fighting. Can we please watch a movie?” I asked him, and hoped that we could get away from the fragile subject my love life was right now. “As long as you tell me the whole story about you and Trey. I’m not leaving before I get the truth” I just nodded, and then dragged him to the living room.

I avoided the conversation for several hours about the story of Trey and me, but Jake got to me at last. We sat in front of each other at the couch. “Ellie, you promised me” Jake said. “Well, I technical didn’t say those words” I said and Jake brought a hand up and dragged it down his face. “Elvira, stop it” and that was all I needed to stop my games and go through the painful memories.

“You know that it started last year, a couple of months after I got out from the clinic. I met him at a party at Alice’s house. He was attractive and easy to talk to. You saw how I was at that time. Everyone could bash their eyes at me and I would blush” Jake just nodded at that, and I continued. “It was nice the first couple of months. We stayed up all night and just talked. But then he changed. He got possessive and jealous, and I got a fall back because of his behavior” I took a break to wipe my tears away, because it was so hard to think of the shit I had gone through with him. “That was the time around Halloween last year, right?” Jake asked, and I just nodded. “It only got worse from around there. He would grab me, so I would get bruises on my arms. The first time he really hit me was after a Christmas party. He thought that I had talked too much to other boys and had been too much on my phone. So I got my punishment, when we got home, and then he left me to go and continue the partying with his friends” I told with a shaky voice as I tried to wipe the running tears away. “Hold up a minute,” Jake said. “That was the Christmas party where I was in contact with you all the time?” Jake said with a raised voice. “Yes” I said quietly. “You wanted to tell me something that night. Was it that?” I just nodded. “And then he hit you, and you couldn’t tell me?” he asked. “No. I still wanted to. But he threatened me not to tell anybody, and especially you. So I kept quiet, because I still wanted to be with him. I know I should have left, but I loved him, and I still do. He got me out of my shell, and I know he can be a sweet guy. He is just misunderstood sometimes, and I need to stop making him mad”. Jake didn’t say anything, but just sat there with watered eyes. “Please say something, Jake” but he just shook his head. “I don’t know what to say, when you can’t see the truth yourself. There are other persons out there that love you, persons that will love you no matter what, persons that won’t hurt you, and persons that will protect you. Can’t you see that?”

But I really couldn’t. How could anyone love someone like me? I was the anorectic freak no one would have. And here and now there was someone who wanted me. Yes, he broke up yesterday, but he had done that multiple times, and that didn’t matter, because we belonged together. “We belong together” was all I said, but that just made Jake even more furious. “For God’s sake, Ellie! Can’t you see what he is doing to you? He is manipulating you to think that! You don’t belong together if your life is at stake! I can’t lose you again, don’t you understand that?” The last of his words came out as a whisper with tears running down his cheeks. “You never lost me, Jake” I said and took his hand. “I almost did, Ellie. If I hadn’t found you that time, you wouldn’t be here. I can’t live without you. I love you” he said and nuzzled my hand with his thumb. “And I love you, Jake” but again he just shook his head. “No, Ellie. I really do love you” he said while he locked eyes with me. “Jake, I don’t understand? I know…” and then he cut me off by kissing me. His hands held me head as he kissed me, hard and feather light at the same time. He moved his lips against mine, and I couldn’t resist doing the same. I closed my eyes and placed one of my hands over his, while my other hand rested on his thigh. His kiss was simple and arousal at the same time. I have never experienced kisses with Trey that way before. I wanted more of his sweet lips, but suddenly he broke the kiss and looked terrified at me. “I…” he started, but closed his mouth again. And before I could even start to gather my thoughts, Jake was out of the door.